Thanks Nutso, Thanks

Really, what is it with mothers?  Why is it that they are excited to get all prepared for a debacle?  I was recently at my homegirl's Pre-Debacle Debacle (in which was really fun, actually...so thank you) and Nutso (guess whose mama) tells my main homey (I roll, that's right bitches, I roll) that she doesn't think that I'll make the Mistake with someone that SHE wants.  Are you effing kidding me?  You're freakin' nuts! She told my best friend this! This just came to light, well, because I am most likely going to bring her someone that isn't of Nutso's standards. 

Nutso's Standards (aka, Unimportant Acquaintances Perception of How "Happy" Your Shitty Family Really Isn't)

Like all the rest of the assholes we try to impress, The One must be of Arab descent, same religion, good family, blah blah blah. Read The One for a refresher. Nutso always has someone in mind for me that she would like to see me with. As for all the other Unimportant Acquaintances, they just keep babbling Ukbal 3ndik.   The Nutso's One must be a stellar man, successful, preferably a doctor or lawyer or engineer, must have a good family name, must be Muslim, and most importantly...must be Arab. She is terrified that I will bring her a non-Arab.  In fact, I have brought her a non-Arab, a Muslim non-Arab, but he still stayed a "non" to her.  He was absolutely nothing. 

Nutso's standards does not finish here.  He must be able to handle her craziness.  The fact that he can understand her swears when she yells at me in front of him is a must.  There must be many embarrassing moments that I will have to endure at one point with Nutso. Every Mom is a Nutso, it's a matter of fact that all our Nutso's are different with their nagging.

Well, what if I don't have the Standard of Nutso on my arm.  If you haven't noticed in the past blogs, I've tried with these fucks.  In fact, I haven't had any luck.  Just ask their wives, girlfriends, parole officers, or shrinks.  They'll tell you, I've tried and had NO LUCK.  But, it doesn't matter what I think.  I'm not going to be making babies with this guy or anything.  It's not like I''m going to be living with this person.  He'll be living to Nutso's standards and what I have to say is obsolete.  Why, because the Unimportant Acquaintances have congratulated Nutso for doing a job well done with raising me.

Digression Alert: Jay Leno is an asshole.  I miss Coco!  Horrible jokes, Leno.

OK, so here is my solution to making Nutso and other Unimportant Acquaintances happy with themselves when talking about me behind Nutso's back.  Honestly, I can give to flying fucks that they say anything. Marry an Arab....just for show. Live in seperate homes.  When our Nutsos want to come over, pick the mutual home that we "live in" together, be fake, when they leave...go to our seperate homes, get wasted at a bar, fuck the hell out of some random dude, and be on your marry way.

And who said I can't compromise?

My mat is saturated of gin.  It's at the bar waiting for me after my dinner party with Um Who Gives A Fuck.