The End of a Dream

I put the card on his car.  It was addressed to him.  I didn't leave my name in hopes that he would be smart enough to know the person who was sending this level of secret admirer type message to him.  Then, I saw him.  Sexy Sales Guy and I pulled into the parking lot of our place of work at the same time.  I have never wanted to avoid him more than that day.  It was a couple of days passed the day I gave him the card.  I was anticipating what was next, my heart was beating to the beat of a horrible rap song mixed with the ridiculous melody of DJ Tiesto and unbearable noise.  My stomach, knottier than the pubic hairs of a crack whore hooker.  The sweat started to slowly seep from my pores, and suddenly, I felt as if I had to go poop but didn't really need to.  I felt slightly nauseous and I suddenly realize that he isn't too far behind me and I must keep the door open for him.




***REWIND A COUPLE DAYS***

Just a day after I put the Happy New Years I Secretly Love You and Want to Bear Your Children card on Sexy Sales Guy's car, Ol' Blue Eyes decided to grow some.  After a couple of days passing messages back and forth via JackassBook, he asked me out.  Yes, and I replied with the fact that I'm an Arab and he's Republican and White and that I would probably punt him.  In fact, let me tell you what I put in my little Leave Me Alone message:

"Not that you're a bad guy, but I can see myself punting you if we dated, just being honest. I am an Arab and have strong political beliefs that side with what I call Palestine. You, as an American and through conversation, seem to have strong beliefs in what you would call Israel. Am I wrong? If so, please correct me. Yes, this is a major factor for me to decide my answer. "


I couldn't believe his response.  He was surprisingly (reminder:  he's Republican and very American...every Nutso's nightmare) fair!  He believes in the two state deal (not saying I do or don't...I'm extremely nationalistic with Palestine) and has some fair views on the topic.  I was shocked.  He then proceeded to give me his point in dating saying that it would be boring to date someone that is very similar to one another.  Another logical reason to never say no to someone very different.  He called me gorgeous.  Yes! Who does that?!?!?!? So then I told him the real reason I said no.  I told him about my "perusing" another person and how I don't believe in dating two guys at once and that my tactic of scaring him away didn't work.  In fact, here you go for shits and giggles:

"Ok, well i have to be honest with you. The reason i gave you the I'm Muslim schpeel was because I was trying to scare you off in a way. (in which I didn't, so kudos to you).

Here's why. I have taken on an interest in someone and have been for a while. I decided to grow some and find a way to let this guy know that. Although, it wasn't something that was directly said to him. If I were to go on a date with you, it really wouldn't be fair because someone else is on my head.

I just didn't want to say that to you because, well, i thought it was rude. I'm sorry if I came of crazy, it's because I sort of am."

*Footnote for later...keep this message in mind for future blog reference.*

***FAST FORWARD BACK TO SSG AND MY STOMACH IN KNOTS***

He was walking down the stairs to the entrance of the hell (aka work) and told me that I didn't have to hold the door open for him. I think it would quite rude if I just walked away, yes he wasn't very close, but not far either. I love him. I mean... 

I felt as if poop was coming out of my face at this point.  I told him that it's OK and it kills more time for me to hold the door open (horrible humor) so that I don't have to get back to work.  Then small talk.  "I'm going on vacation" says SSG and he tells me about the trip that he is oh so excited about.  For some reason, I also asked if he was from here (Chicago) and he tells me no.  He's from good 'ol Michigan (hence why he roots for them) and some more small talk.  Then the elevator hits his floor.  It illuminated the what was dim elevator and he stepped out.  He was gone.  Kinda like Houdini, the fucker left the elevator and said nothing! NOTHING! Nothing about he card!!!

I was slightly relieved and disappointed.  I thought to myself the following:

• No ring, so he is probably in a serious relationship 
• Oh my God! Maybe he's excited about his trip because he's going to propose to a longtime girlfriend
• He's really 40 and looks VERY YOUNG for his age (not likely...but any excuse will do) 
• He doesn't know it was me that left the card (C'mon...how couldn't he?  We had many conversations about my college of choice and his college of choice! In fact, he wears a shirt that says MICHIGAN on it when works out!) 
• He doesn't like me
• He is gay

Another week passes by and I haven't seen sight of Sexy Sales Guy.  When I dropped the card off, I thought they were moving in the beginning of February and it turns out it was going to be end of February. VERY uncomfortable to try to avoid the man I was mentally having sex with every day at least twice (note: we made beautiful children...mentally).  I then go off to lunch with Baldhead (co worker) and SSG is in the same lot as I and kinda in the way.  As I was pulling out (that's what he said) he continuously waved at me. 

Baldhead then says "Either he's gay and likes me or he's really digging you!" because of the constant waving in a matter of 2 minutes!

It's the end of February.  The last day of February would've been my day to say goodbye.  My last view of Sexy Sales Guy (that is, if he came to the ivory building...work) and I had to take off that morning due to an unfortunate circumstance.  At that point, I realized that I would never see or be with Sexy Sales Guy when I came to complete the day at work.  And I was right.

****

If the mat was on clearance, Sexy Sales Guy would not purchase it.  He would just laugh and pass it by while whispering "Happy New Year".