The Typical Ay-raaaab

There is nothing like going out somewhere in Rogers Park and having some great Indian Food.  How about the trendy new restaurants always popping up in Wicker Park?  I love the bakeries and coffee houses that trickle down Lincoln Ave. in Lincoln Square.  Nothing is better than that on a warm summer day and a snowy winter night.  However, it's the Viagra Triangle that has everyone talking.

The Viagra Triangle is quite the place to hang out when you're in the mood for getting some.  Nothing like walking past a Bentley dealership en route to Gibson's before a great night of clubbing at Level and Hunt Club! Ah, sex is in the air.  The best was the beautiful billboard set up by Fetman, Garland, and Associates, Ltd (an all women lawfirm)  that had a half naked man on one side and a half naked women on the other side, tempting The Escape.  More specifically, "Life is short, get a divorce."

Now this is something I love about Chicago.  Compared to some other cities like New York and LA, we're small.  But, the scandal is ridiculous here.  What lies within the Viagra Triangle are men; many, many men.  Young boys taint the scene, realizing that they are not wealthy enough to bathe the Trixies in the cash that they are looking for, but try and learn from the actual users of Viagra.  What is worse is when you're in with The Suitor.  You and The Suitor are out and about.  You and him are going to make The Mistake and are planning for The Debacle.  You both are in love with making The Mistake and you can't do anything about it.  He takes you out.  You think it's great.  He has money.  You are wooed.  Yummy.  You're life is looking up.

Well, you then see the life around and realize, why is this man taking me here?  He talks about how much he loves it there.  Why?  What is it about this cross of Rush and Division that makes your stimulated mind leap with joy?  Why do you get upset if I go to the gym with both men and women that do not look at one another, while you're encased with half naked women (and sometimes men)?

Well, once upon a time, The Suitor was a player.  There are many types of Suitors ladies.  There are the types that were once a This One, a Settler, The Other Religion, and now meet The Typical Ay-rab.  The Typical is the guy that has done it all.  He has lived and kissed and fucked and drank and snorted all there is in this wonderful world.  He has raped cities of its integrity and brought to new light to the meaning of anal retentive.  He is the guy that has no interest to do anything else except for what he is familiar with, thinking it is going to impress you, The Girl.

You have no idea.  You think it's fantastic, he's taking you out, he knows the area well, he's not an idiot, and then some burly guy comes up and starts talking to The Suitor with an eye on you as if you are just the Saturday night special.  The reputation is lit.  He knows The Suitor's past and it's close to coming out, then change of subject.  Now after this wonderful even in the adultery haven of the Midwest, you were earlier blasted for going to the gym with both men and women.  You should not have had your music up so high that the car next to you knew what you were listening to.  Your shirt was too tight becuase other men were looking and don't even think about the wine list.  Although, it's OK if someone offers the table free drinks (that The Girl cannot drink because she is The Girl) because The Typical was important in the past life of being The Typical Ay-rab.

The Typical carries traits such as dominance, controlling, frustrates easy, doesn't like to be wrong, is always right, smart (even if he's not), thinks he knows what he is talking about when it comes to religion and being an Arab, thinks his experiences has taught him how to live, and thinks you will never find out.  You're guts are going to have to be spilled because he expects it to be.  He must know everything.  You are not allowed to know nothing. 

It's much more fun when you try to upset The Typical.  Prove that they are wrong, that they aren't the dominant.  For example, a conversation I had with one:

TG:"What do you think of girls and tattoos?"
TTA: "Do you have a tattoo?
TG:  I asked you a question first, I would like for you to answer.
TTA: I'm not answering because you won't like my answer
TG:  Why should I judge you if I asked YOU the question
TTA:  Listen I don't care if you have a tattoo, I have a tattoo myself.

Another conversation I had with The Typical Ay-rab:

TG: ...and I bought a cookie. That was my day, how was yours?
TTA: "Where's your tattoo?"
TG:  Did I ever say I had a tattoo?
TTA: No, but you asked the question
TG: If I ask a question, that doesn't imply I have one.  What if I asked you about kids?  Does that imply that I have or want any?
TTA:  You don't have kids and of course you want some.
TG: Actually, no I do not.  So, your theory of me having a tattoo is based on the assumption of my question that I asked you.  You have yet to answer it.
TTA: Whatever
TG: I hate that word 'whatever'.  Why do you get so frusturated with me when I'm just pointing someithing out?
TTA: I have to go.

End of conversation because he ran like a little bitch.  One thing that you must do with The Typical Ay-rab is show him who is dominant.  If he isn't willing to even answer ONE question now while you're in courting mode, what makes you think you can get anywhere in a real fight while you've already made the mistake?

The Mat is on a four hour Viagra high right now.  Please check back when the black and blue and swelling have gone down.