THE SETTLING SUITOR

The Suitor is the guy The Girl wants to avoid.  The Suitor is the guy who's getting married to settle.  The Suitor really has no clue to what he wants.  He wants to find a wife, settle, please mommy and daddy, and continue with life as usual.  The exception to the rule is the wife and the fact that bachelorhood is over.  No more late nights, no more boozin', clubbin', dates with hot chicks from the bar, or random trips with the boys to Vegas; done. Over. No mas.

Why does The Girl need to avoid The Suitor that wants to settle?  Well, because he wants to settle.  That is it.  The courtship is pretty traditional to The Settler (aka The Suitor).  The Suitor has no idea that The Girl is somewhat a good human being.  He sees her more as the person that will please his parents because he married her.  No matter what, his parents see The Girl as the completion of The Suitor.  


The Girl, who is oblivious to this, does not think that this is what The Suitor is looking for.  That is, he is looking to settle.  The Girl thinks that all his kind gestures to win her naive heart is a display of affection and a growing love that they will obtain at some point of their lives (and possibly lose).  The Girl is planning parties to display her Suitor/Settler with a mirage of pre-wedding parties and The actual Debacle called The Wedding itself.  Yes, The Debacle.  She then has the talk about what to do after the wedding, the having sex part.  The part where The Girl becomes The Woman.  


It is The Debacle, The Wedding.  It is a raunchy display of a potential divorce waiting to happen (at least a six out of ten chance in the U.S.).  It is gaudy and pointless.  I say, when my time comes, that we sign the papers that the leader of the cult/religion/whatever you call it says that shows God that we are in it for good and have sex till both our danger zones become black and blue.  But noooooooo! Mommy and Daddy live miserably together, so we have to wait until the stupid white dress (that will soon become red after some little shit spills juice on it) is worn and taken off by The Suitor and The Suitor alone.  And why would a virgin have sex with the dress on perverts?  No, it would not become red from her vagina.  Geez.



So, how does The Girl and The Suitor get to know one another without the sex?  They don't.  Instead, they feed each other a bunch of bullshit that makes both their dysfunctional lives look normal.


The Suitor:  I graduated at BLAH BLAH BLAH with a BLAH in BLAH. 
The Girl: Wow! I always wanted to do that.  Instead, I graduated at BLAH BLAH BLAH with a BLAH in BLAH.  I love BLAH BLAH BLAH'ing because I do it so well.  
TS: Well I love to BLAH BLAH BLAH'ing, also! We're perfect for each other





Then when The Debacle is said and done for and becomes this:


TG:  Where are you going?  We had plans with unimportant acquaintances that we must show that we are happy to!

TS:  I am going to BLAH BLAH BLAH

TG:  You're probably cheating on me!
TS:  I think you and (some friend met at the wedding because he crashed looking to settle with another Girl) are doing something! 





My question is this:  What happened to falling in love with a person who has respect for you, your ideals, your personality, and your quirks?  What happened to love and lust at the same time?  Why is settling such a trend now?  Why am I even worried about this?  Well, I have the answer to the last question.  It's because I'm in my, what is now, late twenties and I'm a virgin waiting for The Debacle to occur so that my Settler and I are both black and blue once The Debacle is over. 

However, I chose to date and meet people on my own (or maybe through the help of sites, shutup) and see where personality can take me.  It turns out, The Suitor is incognito online.  Freakin' invading my space in cyber hell.  I'm screwed, and not the black and blue kind.



I still envy the lucky mat.