UKBAL 3NDIK (WISHING YOU YOUR TURN)

I find the Arabic phrase "Ukbal 3ndik" (paraphrase: wishing you your turn) to be utterly annoying.  It is a great phrase to hear when one graduates college and it is said to you after you congratulate the new graduate on their achievement.  It is a fantastic phrase to hear when you congratulate one on his/her new home.  It is the most annoying phrase to hear at Debacles.  At The Debacles, it is always followed by a "Why aren't you married yet?" which drives me b-a-n-a-n-a-s!

In 2008 alone, I was invited to 18 Debacles and managed to attend 14.  Yes, I was broke that year because of all The Fools that created a hubub in The Debacle to celebrate the future The Mistake.  Now, needless to say, some realized The Mistake was a mistake and took an oath of The Escape (divorce).  The Escape will be a whole other blog one day.  But today, let's focus on the "Ukbal 3ndik" (in fala7y (farmer) terms, "Uchbal 3ndich").  The Debacles in 2008 were not all Arab weddings, but most were.  Being (at the time) 25, a hefty amount of Nobodies (aka: Unimportant Acquaintances) were quick to approach me with the "Why aren't you married yet?" and "You're not getting any younger" bullshit.  That's always nice to hear.  Thank you, Nobodies. I cannot find what it is that is wrong with me because I am not in The Mistake just yet.  My response was that I was trying to set myself up, financially.  I wanted to make sure my credit is good, there is money in my account, and all the drama is out of my life.  Paraphrase to Arabs, I'm not ready yet.  Apparently, I need not worry about all of that because my husband will take care of me and that there shouldn't be any drama in my life, anyways.  I guess I missed the memo about living in a box until I make The Mistake or die. 

Next, the questions begin with what I do for a living and where do I live and other nonsense that initiates the scouting of females for desperate Suitors unable to find The One on their own.  Instead, Mommy goes and searches for what she wishes she was when she was my age and hopes for beautiful and smart babies to gloat about to other Unimportant Acquaintances (aka Nobodies, or other Arabs that like to gossip).  After the whole, "I'm just not ready" response, Mommy seems to give me a look as if I have just deceived them! It is as if I had told them I was interested and then decided to change my thought and they feel deceived!  The funny part is that I told them from the get-go!

The worst part of "Ukbal 3ndik" is when The Pushy Mom (guess, who's mom this is) spills out of her mouth like water in a fountain.  This is then followed by a "I cannot wait until your (enter English work for Debacle here) and you have many (Monsters (children)) and I can't take care of them while you and (The One) go out!"  Well thank you Pushy Mom for reminding me that I will need a Monster Tamer (babysitter) for my Monsters because I will eventually have no life because I made The Mistake.  This is then followed by a, "Why aren't you married yet? I want to see you happy.  You should be happy!" Seriously?  You and other Unimportant Acquaintances are asking this stupid question as if I had leprosy and I am hiding it from the world (sometimes I wish I had it, it be a much more valid excuse to Nobodies). 

I never knew that The Mistake would make someone complete, or happy.  I always thought that one is at the happiest stage of life when The Escape takes place (you should see how happy some people get when the papers are finally signed, it's quite entertaining).  It irritates me because "Ukbal 3ndik" really means, "You aren't happy, so get married and give me something to talk about to other Unimportant Acquaintances.  And when I see you through a problem, I will not help you out, I will instead talk bad about you because I'm that kind of prick." This is what that shit really means. 

It is now 2009, and I have attended about four weddings (much more money in my bank account...WHEW!).  Some Unimportant Acquantaince told me "Ukbal 3ndik" with their, what seems to be scripted, followup questions quickly thereafter.  My response, "Khalto, I am a lesbian.  Mom didn't tell you?"

Ahhhh mat, you are so lucky with your careless life on your back.