Men, when you are going to send me a picture of yourself, please do not send me a picture of you puckering up your lips because you think it's cute or some model did it in an add and you think you're hot and it works. It doesn't work, it makes you look gay. You get this Duckface expression, and frankly, you look gay. I like my men strong. Thanks.
Why did I tell you this? Because low and behold, I had a DuckFace. DuckFace was a nice fella. He actually wasn't too bad looking, and sweet when I met him. He was pretty funny...at times. Then he liked to stick his foot in his mouth. DuckFace loved loved loved sending me pictures of himself and constantly constantly text me. Both of which were annoying as hell. His poses in his pictures were horrid. He puckered his lips and turned his head to the side and snapped! HE WAS CONTENT WITH THOSE PICTURES! How do I know he was content? He sent the damn things to me! C'mon! Who in their right mind would send pictures of them acting a fool and looking gay to a girl they are trying to date? I kept thinking to myself, OH EM GEE! I MADE ONE GAY! Yes, I really thought that. I was so scared, I kept checking to see if I had a vagina because I thought he was attracted to me because I had a penis! I really didn't know what the hell was going on!
Oh yea, DuckFace also had a really bad sense of humor. DuckFace thought it was OK to insist I was a drunk (I wish I was actually) and implied that I liked Vodka sauce for pasta because there was vodka in it. Jackass didn't know that I know my food and that there isn't any alcohol in the fucking sauce! However, he thought it was necessary to argue that point. Every time there was a point to be argued, I would show him the proof that I was right, just so that I was sure, and he would still say "NO!" like a fuck face DuckFace that he was.
Now, he was nice. But, please don't throw your religion down my throat. Unlike many others, this one was one of mine. Oh shit did I fuck up on that selection. I would often hear, "Will you ever stop drinking?" Mind you my idea of a night of drinking is no more than 2 glasses of white zinfandel. So, DuckFace, I am slowly becoming an alcoholic slut with my boxed zinfandel. Please come and save me because you are so right with everything and I should just stand behind your shadow as we visit the Old Country Buffet for the rest of my life because you decided to turn religious and I, being nothing because I have a pussy good for only fucking and puking out monsters, will stand behind your shadow in Muslim vail, cover, nod, and just eat salad because you are so sweet.
I shouldn't be so mean. DuckFace really liked me. Then again, he said that he never really dates....so I guess he really doesn't have standards does he?
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